I can feel depression knocking at my door today. It can be an overwhelming feeling and if I don’t do certain rescue strategies in the next few days it could take me a while to shake it. My trigger, this time of year.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), also known as winter depression, winter blues, summer depression, summer blues, or seasonal depression. Like clock work, when Spring, Fall or Christmas rolls around depression comes knocking. I don’t really understand as Spring and Fall are my favourite seasons. I get to wear my rubber boots for those Spring showers, watch the leaves change colours or walk my dog on those crisp Fall mornings. It sounds perfect but my hormones have different plans for me.
This past september, depression engulfed me. I could not think straight, did not want to get out of bed, I hated myself and being around people was challenging. When the attack hit, all day the static in my head chanted “You are a loser. You are unwanted. Why do you even try? ”. Those voices in my head screamed so loud, with such bullying comments, that I just wanted them to stop. Depression is a lonely illness. You can be surrounded by your closest friends and still feel so alone. Your thoughts consume you and mute out the rest of the world and those closest to you. I tried every trick up my sleeve that month. Some worked and some did not. I did manage to find my way out of the darkness; as I always do.
After my depression attacks, I feel like I’ve been away and ill. The noises in my head are muted but those negative thoughts never really leave. I feel guilty and ashamed at how I felt and acted the days prior. I can’t believe I have lived like this most of my life. Depression has stolen days from my life.
So, this week as I ‘feel’ depression knocking. I am pulling out every trick. Exercise tonight and the next few days with some girlfriends, watch my nutrition, spend sometime in the mountains this week-end and some focus on angel healing. Angel healing has been an incredible tool for me this past 3 years and it deserves its own post. I still feel strange talking about it as I’ve never been a spiritual gal.
One day at a time….
I hope if you are reading my blog post it helps you understand the struggles of this illness, if not for yourself but for someone you may know. Reach out too that someone and give them a hug or a text to “Hi”. Don’t try to solve it but just let them know you are there for them anytime.
Take care my friends, stay strong and those waves will pass…