Ultimate Frisbee, I am officially out of retirement. I had my first game of the season this week. I have mixed feelings about joining. I left 8 years ago for personal reasons, which many of my teammates are unaware. The main reasons for leaving were depression and anxiety. A sport that once gave me joy in my 20’s changed to dread in my 30’s. I’d leave feeling worse about myself and dreading my next game. So, why did I decide to go back? Will it be a good decision?
The jury is still out on whether this was a good decision or not. I am a different person but will old habits come back. Should the past be left in the past? Will what once gave me joy give me joy again?
As I was on the side lines, with my other team mates, some I’ve known for over 20 years, I could feel the anxiety of being there creeping up on me. I could feel my hands start to shake, tears welding up, self expectations, past game disappointments, past conflicts and past feelings of worthlessness. I stood there so wanting to run away but I took a DEEP BREATH, closed my eyes and brought myself back to the PRESENT…. I’m outdoors, I’m active, I’m seeing and meeting new people, I’m enjoying old friends and new friends…I AM OKAY!
Game 1 done, only 13 more to go…..this will be fun.
One Quiet Gals Journey xoxo
P.S. Enjoy the NOW!! Conquer your FEARS!! Enjoy your two passions: being OUTSIDE and being ACTIVE!! Oh and the team beer after the game…:o)